Quite excited. I have a new book out. It’s called A Sackful Of Limericks, some of which I wrote ages ago, and some new ones too. The new edition looks rather neat, and it’s brilliantly illustrated by the great Tony Ross. Some of the old editions are still available here.

So excited am I that I have just put myself into Limerick mode to see what I could come up with. Limericks are all about rhythm really.  When it comes to content the secret is to clear your brain of any useful or productive thoughts, and whatever’s left can be recycled as a Limerick. Here are three freshly-hatched Limericks, written specially with websites in mind.

I always enjoyed reading limericks, but I often thought they were a bit of an anti-climax. Either old-fashioned or unfunny. In 1985 Century Hutchinson the publishers challenged me to do better, and commissioned me to write my own volume. I realised straight away that writing a good limerick was a lot less simple than it sounded, and that writing a whole book of them was bloody difficult.

There was a young dancer called Brett
Who posted rude things on the net
He was liked by two vicars
Who sent him some knickers
And anything else they could get

There once was a sailor called Stokes
Whose website was full of old jokes
Some found abroad
Or seen while on board
Tattooed on the backs of old blokes

A fireman from Bristol called Kreighte
Met his wife on a dating website
He’d tons of emails
From loads of females
But no-one else spelled his name right

Oh, and one more, prompted by love for my favourite animal

A young window dresser called Jack
Kept several goats in a sack
He fed them so rarely
That one day, quite fairly,
They ate him and put the bits back