Dr. Fegg’s Guide To Camping

1. Camping is a wet, uncomfortable, and miserable way to die, but, if you can’t avoid it, you can at least make it comfortable.
2. Select your camping spot carefully. Very often, you will find people in tents and caravans blocking your view and generally getting in the way. These can usually be dispersed by naming your dog Cholera and calling him in loudly last thing at night.
3. Once you have found a nice spot, get out the flamethrower and clear the area around you.
4. What you will need for a camping trip:
   • 286 9″ x 3″ bricks
   • 12 sacks easy drying ready mixed cement
   • Front door
   • Back door
   • Porch
   • Piano
   • Chairs
   • Window frames
   • Plate glass
   • Stereo equipment
   • Carpets
   • Various slates
   • Roofing timbers
   • Second piano (if room)
5. Pack these carefully – with the plate glass at the top.
6. Get someone else to carry the pack.
7. Camp.

Alternatives To Camping

1. Spending the night in an ice-cold bath.
2. Swallowing tree toads.
3. Running 4 miles with two piranha fish in your shorts.